Why We Feel Behind in Life & How to Find Your Authentic Desires
Do you ever feel like you’re constantly playing catch-up, watching your friends, colleagues, and even strangers on social media achieve things you wish you had? It's a common feeling, and a powerful new book reveals that it often stems from a hidden force: mimetic desire. This concept suggests we don’t want things because of their inherent value, but because we see other people wanting them.
The Root of the Problem: Understanding Mimetic Desire
The video explains that our feelings of inadequacy and the constant pressure to “be more” or “have more” often come from an external place. Our desires are shaped by models—people we look up to or, more often, people just like us. When a friend gets a promotion, you might suddenly feel like you need more money or a better job, even if you were content before. This is mimetic desire in action. The video highlights two sources:
Celebrities and Influencers: We model our desires on people we admire from afar.
People Like Us: Our friends, family, and colleagues. This group is often the most impactful because we are in direct competition with them, which can make us feel perpetually “behind.”
The core issue isn't about how to achieve our goals, but how to choose them in the first place. Are you chasing something that truly fulfills you, or are you chasing something because you’ve been convinced it’s what you should want?
Strategies for Finding Meaningful Desires
Fortunately, the video shares several powerful strategies to help you break free from the trap of mimetic desire and start chasing what truly matters to you. It's about a shift from chasing external validation to internal fulfillment.
Identify "Thick" vs. "Thin" Desires
Not all desires are created equal. The video suggests identifying the difference between:
Thick Desires: These are deeply embedded in who you are. They've been with you for a long time, they energize you, and you would still want them even if no one else knew you had them.
Thin Desires: These are fleeting, based on what others want, and often leave you feeling empty once you achieve them.
Unfollow Unhealthy Models
The best way to combat mimetic desire is to set boundaries with your “unhealthy mimetic models.” This includes unfollowing people on social media who make you feel inadequate and being mindful of your own thoughts and feelings. It's about protecting your mental space from constant comparison.
Create Positive Flywheels
Instead of getting caught in a cycle of comparison and envy, intentionally create momentum around your authentic desires. For example, if you want to get in shape, starting with a small step like a daily walk can build momentum, making you want to eat healthier and take on bigger challenges. This creates a positive feedback loop that's driven by your own genuine motivation.
By understanding the power of mimetic desire, you can stop feeling like you’re behind and start living a life that is truly your own.
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